this is all new to me

i have started work elsewhere. where, i shall not say, for fear of people assuming that i am poaching. i am just happy to say that i am enjoying my new work, with the new set of people that i am dealiing with. i'm glad that i'm starting anew.

i have yet to finish all of my requirements. yes, did i mention that i am starting life anew?

i have yet to confront the all encompassing pain of losing someone i hold near and dear. last night, i cried myself to sleep. losing pain only through exhaustion. and yes, i am still suffering through missing him, missing what could have been and missing what could be in the future.

he hasn't called. i thought we can be friends. guess he's busy.

he hasn't emailed either. hasn't checked his friendster for 4 days straight. hasn't done much with anything as of late.

god, why do you allow me to love still? wish there was a potion that could take away the hurt that i felt. and would magically transform me to a friend, with no hopes, no dreams, no aspirations that someday we'd be together.

i feel safe with the thought that he's not around. no risking seeing him in the malls, or any bar that we used to hang in. he's halfway around the world. yes,it's comforting, yet painful. don't get me wrong, i still love him. but for me to get over him, might prove to be impossible if i see him all the time. he's such a good and wonderful man that i might fall all over again.

there's no sense in doing that, is there?

he has someone special now.

i have to respect that.

i'm glad actually. at least he's happy.

he's always gonna be loved.

no matter if forever will never hold a chance for us.

sad to say, i am but a little piece of his past.

no means to be in the future.

i write this with a grain of salt. hoping someone out there can understand what i'm going through.

yes, i am not bitter. yes, i am not mad.

but i'm trying to not feed the hope that lives within me.

for all this time, i keep on remindnig myself of all the factors that will not allow me to be with him. only one thing stands true...

he is in love with someone else.

and that someone else is not me.